5 SIGNS YOU’RE A BAD MARRIAGEABLE PARTNER

So how do I know the kind of marriage partner I may be? What are the warning signs that tell me I’ll most likely not make my marriage enjoyable? Today on ishare100, Jerry Okelade (Pst) shares with us on 5 signs that you maybe a bad marriageable partner.

Just as a doctor will diagnose a sins through its signs and symptoms in the same way, it so good to diagnose whether you are a good marriage material. In order not drive home my point, it is good to x-ray some of the signs and symptoms of a bad marriage material.

When You’re Selfish

Marriage is not only a commitment a haven where the essence of love is in self-giving. This is not to suggest that you should lose yourself with your spouse, which can also be detrimental to a marriage. It only means if you’re only thinking about yourself, your spouse becomes an object-not a partner- and mutual love cannot grow. If you want him to cater to you constantly without reciprocating, you’re not good when it comes to compromise, and you don’t want to share him with family and friends, chance s are your selfishness will eventually alienate and suffocate him. Most selfish people use their partners’ love against them and hold their partners accountable for their own happiness.

2.     When You’re Extremely Jealous

If you’re a jealous person by nature, this won’t change once you out a ring on it- it’ll only make it worse. Agreed that we’ve all been jealous from time to time, and some may argue that a healthy level of jealousy is actually good for a relationship. However, extreme jealousy is a sign of insecurity, and professing your love before God and guest won’t change feelings of low self-esteem or inadequacy. Now that’ he’s not just your boyfriend, but your husband, your possessiveness will increase tenfold and you will feel threatened by every woman he homes in contact with if you don’t get a handle on your jealousy issues. Be honest with yourself and get help if needed.

3.     When You’re A Party/Club Person

Most men wouldn’t take too kindly to their wife dropping it like it’s hot in the club every night. A few ladies could tolerate a night crawler for a man. There’s nothing wrong with partying and mad marrying and having a good time with friends, but when you have a partner at home who wants to spend quality time with you, it’s not good. Going out with your girls from time to time is great, and he should get out with the peers as well. No one is suggesting that you cut off the rest of the world where you have no outlet. However, the type of opening and frequency should not compromise the amount of time you spend with each other. In marriage, you need to find a balance between being together and being out with others.

4.     When You Do Not Like Children

There is nothing wrong with liking or not wanting children – it’s not for everyone, and it doesn’t automatically exclude you from being seen as a wife material. However, you have to keep in mind that if you are a dating a person who wants children\, or who has children already, then it won’t matter how much you love him/her….it’ll never work. He/she will resent you, and you’ll be miserable. Children are a commitment all on their own aside from marriage, so if you both aren’t united on this front, the marriage will eventually collapse.

5.     When You Are Promiscuous Or A Cheat

Let’s face it, you know if you’re a cheater or not. This is not to say that once a cheater, always a cheater but most people who are repeatedly unfaithful in relationships don’t change unless they truly are ready and they want to. If you want to, then great you can change and be a great wife to a wonderful man. But if you haven’t finished sowing your royal oats, then don’t bring anyone else into your mess. Remain single until you can remain faithful

 

How to Build a Strong Relationship

Exclusive ways to build a strong relationship

A strong or healthy relationship is one in which both partners involved in the relationship are able to express their individuality, it’s also seen as one in which there is mutual respect for each other’s feelings or perspective.  In any relationship, it is important to build a rock solid foundation at the very start.
So how can one enjoy a healthy relationship? Today on IShare100 I share with you some wonderful tips on that.

1. Effective communication

Many relationships don’t last not because the partners do not love each other but because of the failure of both parties to express their hearts. This is true especially for peeps on distance relationships.
So speak up, your partner is not a mind reader. Do not assume that your partner knows all. If there’s an issue that needs sharpening out, find a way to say and discuss it with your partner.
If you don’t know how to start a conversation, say, “there’s something on my mind and I’d like it if you listened.” You can also say, “Something is bothering me and I feel like we should talk about it.”
Please note that communication ought to be clear also. Without clear communication, a relationship can quickly bring out the worst in people. When you have a want or a need, express it to your partner clearly. Don’t beat around the bush or say something you think will please your partner when it makes you unhappy. Try using “I statements” to express your feelings, make an observation, or share your opinion. I statements allow you to express yourself clearly and directly and take responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings while avoiding blame and accusations toward others.

2. Listen intently.

Part of a healthy relationship is knowing when to talk and when to listen. Develop your listening skills by not interrupting and letting your partner finish their thoughts and feelings. Truly listen, and don’t try to come up with a response while your partner is talking.
Use active listening skills by reflecting the content and emotions of what your partner is saying. Say, “let me make sure I understand. I hear you saying that you’re upset that I didn’t tell you what time I would be home, and you wish I would have said something earlier because you were concerned.”

3. Create healthy boundaries

Boundaries are not meant to make you feel trapped; they are created to maintain respect and understand expectations in the relationship. If something makes you feel uncomfortable, bring it up and discuss how things need to change and how each of you will make changes. If one person wants to spend lots of time together and the other does not, it’s important to set a boundary of how much time is appropriate together and apart.
For example, you may want to create sexual boundaries (being sexually exclusive) and social boundaries (having one night a week designated for friends or activities).
Don’t let your partner control you and don’t set out to control your partner. Setting boundaries means respecting each other and finding compromises to make the relationship work well.

4. Express emotions.

Share your thoughts and feelings with your partner and stay open to the feelings that arise. Show interest in your partner’s feelings and support them during stressful situations. Connecting emotionally with your partner allows you to empathize with their experience.
If you’re feeling emotionally disconnected from your partner, start asking questions about feelings (and don’t blame or make assumptions). By discovering your partner’s feelings, you may begin to feel more compassion toward them.
Check in with each other. Make time periodically to discuss the relationship. Sometimes changes occur or schedules become busy and you may miss time to connect or talk about things. You may want to bring up relationship goals and expectations, as these can sometimes change. Ignoring difficult topics or hoping they will go away is one way for a relationship to crumble.

5. Treating each other well

Create a foundation of respect. Relationships can be fun and exciting early on, yet it important to make sure that you and your partner are rooted in respect. Act in ways that demand respect from your partner. Strive to treat each other with respect at all times, even when you are mad at each other.
Your partner’s wishes, thoughts, and feelings have value. Communicate to your partner that you consider the way they feel. Mutual respect is an important part of making a healthy relationship work.
Talk to your partner about creating respect in your relationship. Decide “do’s” and “don’ts,” such as name calling or sexual touch.

6. Appreciate each other.

A healthy relationship should be one in which you and your partner feel appreciated. Often, relationships are built from many small things added one on top of the other. Find the things your partner does for you and say “thank you.” Instead of focusing on mistakes your partner makes, focus on the ways your partner adds to your life.  When you notice something, speak out and show your appreciation.
Ask your partner how they like to feel appreciated. Write a note or a card, or make an effort to say “thank you” often.
Let your partner know how you like to be appreciated. Say, “It means a lot to me when you notice the things I do for you.”

7. Spend quality time together.

 It’s easy to transition from face-to-face time together to digital communication. Yet, sometimes meanings can get lost in translation or non-verbal communication becomes non-existent. Spending quality time together can help strengthen your relationship and increase the bond you and your partner feel together.
Find activities that you can do together regularly. It can be as simple as enjoying a cup of coffee together each morning or reading together at night.
Trying something new together can be a fun and exciting way to spend time together. You don’t have to do anything crazy — even going out to dinner at a new restaurant or trying a new cuisine can be a fun experience.

8. Expect changes.

Know that your relationship will likely change. Allow growth for yourself, your partner, and for the relationship itself. Recognize that changes in your relationship are opportunities for new growth. Change is inevitable, so welcome changes and accept that the relationship will adapt.
When changes happen, take a deep breath and deal with them one by one.

Choosing a Life Partner

 Choosing a life partner:

There are no laid down rules, formulae or principles for choosing a perfect life partner anywhere. Most times the choices are influenced by the peoples background, taste and religion.

Today i bring you some points that will go a long way in helping you choose a life partner, these may not work for everybody but will surely work for most people.

1. Values Compatibility:
Every normal human should have a set of values to lead his life everyday, there are things, activities or lifestyle that you value. Before you choose a life partner, you should be sure your values don't contrast but are compatible.

2. Steady source of income:
Marriage isn't for boys/girls; it is strictly for men/women that have a sense of responsibility. You don't wanna get married and have your parents still feeding you, hence, there should be a steady source of income first before taking a life partner.

3. Social Compatibility: 
I keep telling my friends that my future wife will be my best friend as soon as we get married. She will be beside me anywhere i go and asides being my confidant, she will be my gossip mate. All these can only be possible if you two are socially compatible.
 Imagine telling your partner that Donald Trump, the President of America has
shut his boarders against foreigners and she/he be like, "Has George Bush been changed?”.  Social compatibility matters alot.

4.Spiritual compatibility:
 Take a partner that will complement your spiritual life and not one that will undermine your efforts of spiritual growth.

5. Physical Compatibility:
  How do you like your partner? Hourglass shape? Masculine with abs? Tall or short? Huge or petit? Go for what you want, because to each, his own. Don't make a choice today and say " this isn't what i bargained for” tomorrow. Physical compatibility matters.

6. Don't Limit Your possible Choices:
Some people for one silly reason or the other have sworn that that they can never marry outside their tribe, country or race. Thing is we are all human and some of us have our destinies tied outside our tribes,countries and races.
 Do away with the eyes of a tribalist or racist when choosing a partner, love is the ultimate and paramount reason.

Noteworthy is also the fact that people nowadays choose partners based on the size of their pockets. This is utterly an act of blindness because love is irreplaceable no matter the opulence.


 

Compatibility in relationships

Source:
www.ogabenji.blogspot.com.ng